No, Johnny Depp’s Victory is not Damaging to Female Survivors of Domestic Abuse

Accusations of Misogyny and Anti-Feminism are merely a Desperate Attempt to Support the Bias.

As a woman who has survived an abusive relationship. As one who has lost in court to a man who sexually assaulted me. As someone who attempted suicide because the memories of the abuse were too difficult to bury following my escape from his violent hands and mentally scarring insults. As a friend of women who continue to suffer psychologically from the trauma experienced by their male perpetrators, I really wanted to believe Amber Heard and stand tall with her in her fight against the powerful man.

#BelieveAllWomen means something to me. I fight on social media for the hashtag. I am a proud feminist who is in awe of the strength women inhabit when having been beaten down (literally) by men and I feel a strong urge to be a supportive and vocal ally. The truth is, there are countless more women who are silenced and not believed than men who are falsely accused. It is so important to listen to women when they bravely come forward to hold their perpetrator accountable, taking that stolen part of their lives back by letting their abuser know “You have underestimated my strength. Your time is up.” It is imperative that we not only listen but fight right alongside them, as the road ahead is inexpressively painful and exhausting. I have been there; believe me, I understand what it means to face up to your abuser and I can’t tell you how much it breaks my heart knowing someone else will have to go through it too. I must share my voice for these individuals and give my time.

I watched every minute of this trial, ready to ban all Johnny Depp movies from my life. I was more than prepared to cancel Johnny Depp. I have done it before with other male celebrities, and I am a woman who will not support a perpetrator’s work — refusing to listen to their music or watch their work again. I do not separate the artist from the person.

And there I was watching the verdict being read out, with knots in my stomach — anxious — because I couldn’t bear the thought of yet another oppressor getting away with their lies believed in a courtroom. I was speechless as one by one the jurors answered ‘yes’ in Johnny Depp’s favour. I was genuinely shocked and then I took a big breath and cheered. He did it. A victim won. A far from perfect victim, won!!!

Throughout this trial, I had conflicted emotions. I felt guilt because the woman I wanted to support used her womanhood to silence a male victim. I was so angry at myself for wanting to believe the woman and then just angry at the woman for using me as her bait for support. But I could never have foreseen that that very bait would, following the verdict, be exploited and used against other women who have experienced abuse as an attack for not standing with the woman in this case. I never thought I’d be accused of misogyny and anti-feminism by outspoken individuals as well as Domestic Violence Support Groups for Women. The unjust refusal to acknowledge the evidence provided in this trial is nothing short of harmful, and that most of all to people like myself. People who fight for abuse survivors, struggle with their own trauma and need a sense of understanding surrounding the topic & complexity IPV brings with. To claim that Johnny Depp’s victory is a set back for women would only be true if the woman was unjustifiably disbelieved. Instead however, we witnessed a far from perfect victim, one that going into this trial stood very little chance of winning, being served justice and this is a huge win for survivors of Domestic Abuse.

I can sympathise the verdict is confusing to people who haven’t watched the trial because we women have long learned about the repercussions we face when we try and stand up against our male assaulter. So many women were silenced throughout the years and so many never received justice in the court of law. I understand that we fiercely want to protect the woman against the abusive powerful man. I am with you on that. This is not the example to use however, because in this instance the victim was heard and the victim is a man. Amber Heard’s evidence did not support her claims and her accusations quickly buried in a bed of lies. If Amber had been a man, we would have never argued the verdict because it would have been so clear to the world that the victim was falsely accused of heinous crimes. The blind bias rife on social media today is doing great damage and it is worrying to see.

It was Amber Heard’s own witnesses, her own words, her own evidence (or lack thereof) that did not support her lies. It wasn’t Johnny Depp and his counsel who tried to misconstrue or connivingly falsify her evidence. There is a fantastic thread on Twitter that accurately compares her claims (the bruises, the sexual assault, the control, the gaslighting, the insults, the beatings, the power-struggle) to the evidence provided as seen in court, nothing has been added to benefit Johnny Depp. I leave the link to the thread here, please read it if you are still undecided. It was Amber Heard’s own words that shone a light on the real victim in this relationship. It wasn’t her demeanour, as some of her supporters claim, people relied on to discredit her testimony. The thing is, we can’t foretell or claim to know how a victim reacts or should act in court. We can’t point fingers and accuse someone of not acting like a victim. We all deal with the memories of abuse differently and have developed coping mechanisms which may not make sense to another watching. I myself, was annoyed at some pro Johnny Depp social media posts insisting a victim would never beg their abuser to come back to them. I had done this, multiple times. Some laughed at the idea that you wouldn’t shout back at your abuser out of fear. I did, fearfully. Johnny seemingly did. They dismissed the explanation of lying for your abuser. I had lied for my abuser and protected him for many years. None of these behaviours will tell you if someone is lying or speaking the truth. Being a victim is not straight forward, we all behave contrastingly — sometimes, we won’t even recognise ourselves, our own behaviour. When I was sat in that courtroom with the man who sexually assaulted me, I was in shock the whole time I was questioned in the witness stand. I trembled. I cried. I was not myself. I was genuinely just so scared and in fear once again. How do you act in a situation which is completely out of your control? No one has the answer. How should you act whilst in the relationship? Again, these relationships are far too complex and detrimental that there is no handbook on the correct way a victim should have acted or behaved. So again, none of this led to Johnny Depp winning his case — the only damning evidence were her own words, her own witnesses.

Take Rocky, Whitney, IO and Drew’s testimonies into account for a moment. All of them allegedly were aware of Johnny Depp’s abusive behaviour towards Amber but instead of urging her to leave him, they offered support by assisting to mend their relationship. What sister or friend texts your abuser pleading messages to reconcile with your loved one? This is something that seriously troubled me when watching their attestations. It does NOT make sense, just as much as her exponentially, desperately growing lies in the six weeks the world was watching lost their plausibility. It started somewhere, then suddenly took a left turn, swerved through a round-about, hit a deer, turned right, made a sudden U-Turn and then hit a deer again. That’s the only way I can describe those ever-changing statements. Lies are difficult to remember and with that change their “truth” and inevitably become embellished in a desperate attempt to make you believe them, because surely no one can lie about something so horrific. And Amber had me for a short moment when recalling these heinous assaults. In a trial of six weeks, if you lie you will be caught out however, having to tell the same story over and over again. If you tell the truth the story remains the same with perhaps a couple of additions as your memory recalls more details, but the core of the truth won’t change. The lie inevitably will grow and change its face, completely.

The current trend of Amber Heard supporters, as well as her lawyers, calling anyone on Johnny Depp’s side a misogynist, a victim blamer and complicit in having set the #metoo movement back by decades, is injurious and at the very least unfair. You have read my experiences at the start of this piece; I too am a Victim of Domestic Violence and I support all women who have suffered at the hands of a male perpetrator. Her supporters profess that for the trial having been televised was nothing but another power move and post-separation abuse by Johnny Depp. No doubt was it controversial to live-stream the trial, but it was also evidently important to the victim so nothing could be misconstrued by the press. Johnny didn’t choose to but was forced to disclose very personal details because he previously learned (with the UK trial) that he will have to lay bare all of himself to be believed. It was telling, that he was prepared to waiver his privacy in order for the truth to being heard in its entirety. It shouldn’t have had to be this way but with the storm of abomination coming his way momentarily, it was quite obviously a necessity. Furthermore, I truly believe televising this trial did far more good than harm to other victims. The trial invited a dialogue about Domestic Abuse into your living room. For the first time ever, when talking about the trial with my colleagues, I shared my own ordeal. Never before had I felt comfortable enough to disclose my struggles to “strangers” but over the past few weeks that door was left ajar for me to ‘open up’. For the first time, I wasn’t met with endless questions of how & why?! The listeners had already learned about the complexity of Intimate Partner Violence by witnessing this case and now understood I wouldn’t have all the answers to their questions. How amazing is that? I genuinely feel no shame anymore. I recognise that the shame solely lies with the perpetrator and Johnny Depp helped in removing the stigma of being a victim by making it ok to say that you are.

This trial taught the world that there is no such thing as a perfect victim but only a credible one. Victims react and develop behavioural changes as part of their survival strategy. They might lean on alcohol & drugs and transform their trauma into colourful language by texts to a friend; venting. If anything, I feel it has been educational to spectators and empowering to victims. The world might now believe us too and will be able to understand our “adjusted” behaviourism and out-of-character (erratic) conducts better. For any victim this is a step in the right direction and personally, I am so very relieved I can stand tall today without that sense of indignity. I am not sure whether you can comprehend how much this means to me.

Amber Heard was disingenuous throughout the trial, she lost the case by her own doing and her statement after losing in court, quietly shines a light on her conceited mindset also — blaming everyone, including the jury for not believing her and accusing the world of prejudice. Where was her compassion to other survivors in that statement? Where was her heartbreak for her own abuse experienced in that statement? Why was it all about “the powerful man” and being “American” and having a right to “free speech”? Yes, it was a defamation trial but the subject of it was domestic violence. No compassion, no empathy, no understanding of what it feels like to having been a victim and losing against your perpetrator in court. As a victim you automatically feel for all other victims, and you are as strangers all “traumatically” connected. As someone with her platform I would think you’d inhabit a sense of responsibility to serve as a supportive voice. When you lose, every victim loses with you. Your message will want to convey your own struggle and your support for others because you know how debilitating all of this is. Her statement confirmed to me that it was all a self-serving lie to help raise her celebrity profile by becoming the face of the #metoo movement. Little did she know her “subject” was stronger than she gave him credit for and her lies were finally exposed. The victim won. All of us victims won that day, our voices were heard.

I will continue to support #BelieveAllWomen compassionately because sadly it is women who statistically are more vulnerable to becoming victims of domestic violence and we have to acknowledge that a woman falsely accusing a man is thankfully a rarity.